also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
