True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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