Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
