It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
