Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
