I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
