I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
