I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
