I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
