Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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