For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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