Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
