Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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