I'm so fucking centered right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
