I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
