Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
