I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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