gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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