Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
