they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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