i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
