Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
