At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
