He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
