It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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