I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina is officially offended.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
