at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
