And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
