oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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