life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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