I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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