there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
