What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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