If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
