I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize