Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
