i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
