Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
