apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
