he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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