Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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