I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
