I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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