Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
