I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wear drunk well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
