I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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