Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
