My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
