I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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