can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
