No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
