So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
