Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
