When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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