Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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