The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize