I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
