the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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