If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
