Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
