Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
