My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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