just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
