That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
