Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
